Heartless Azafrog meets Blackitty



- Oooh, I love the smell of rain in the morning - thought the Azafrog. She was standing in a queue. It wasn't something she would usually have done, she enjoyed inflicting terror too much, especially on fellow shoppers and clerks... but today the rain was soaking everyone in the queue, so Da F0rg wanted to savour the precious moment. While she was watching people and enjoying it immensely, suddenly she saw a shadow fall on her. This could mean only one thing - someone was standing behind her. The Azafrog turned around ready to flame the newcomer and stared into a pair of eyes eerily resembling headlights of a truck speeding on a highway. Yellow, strangely glowing peekers stared from a coal-black body. The body looked definitely cattish, and Da F0rg liked cats enough not to flame them. She decided not to yell right now.
- Hi there, froggy - said the cat, and Heartless' eyes bulged even more. No one who dared call her that lived long enough to repeat it. This cat was obviously either new in town, insane or very brave. Possibly everything at once, she thought.
- Howdy, kitty - she answered pleasantly, waiting for a reason to disembowel.
- The name's Blackitty, how about you?
- Oh, so you're new here - said Da F0rg. - I'm Heartless Azafrog.
- A yeah, heard about you. I's wondering why are you called 'heartless'.
- Elementary, Watson - replied Azafrog, who was just beginning to have fun. - I lack a heart.
- Yeah right. You can't exist without one, y'know.
- Izzatso? - Da F0rg's eyes narrowed challengingly.
- Is too!
That was *just* too much to bear. The Azafrog whipped out a knife and ripped her breast open. She pulled back the sides, showing Blackitty her innermost organs.
- See? I *told* you, no heart. And I survive just fine.
The Kitty was obviously trying to say something, but on account of holding a paw over his mouth it wasn't very comprehensible.
- You were saying? - questioned the Azafrog, spreading some more so the Kitty could see the lungs pulsing with every breath. Blackitty ate something spoiled, what else could be this bad on his stomach? - she decided. But he was getting better.
- Yurgh, ackkkk, you'f a refulsive freature, yanno? - slurred the cat.
- And proud of it!
- You're sick, you shouldn't be doing this kind of things to people!
- But I'm not - replied the frog innocently. - Not to people. Oh, and by the way, don't you have a thread and needle somewhere on your person?
- And the whole sidewalk's bloodied, too... - the cat bitched, when Heartless' words reached him. - What do you need a needle and thread for??
- Silly kitty, am I to be going back home in THIS state? I've to stitch myself together!
A quick leap and sounds coming from a nearby bushes proved that kitty's stomach was indeed upset. After a while the cat emerged, lazily wiping his mouth.
- Got a needle, then? - the frog taunted. - Y'see, I'm just feeling so exposed now.
- You *are* serious - stated the shocked Blackitty. - You really want to sew your own body.
- Sure. You never watched Rambo, or what?
- Oh, I bet he's your hero! Your rooms are full of Rambo posters and you dream that he's ripping tens of guys' hearts out and then gives them to you. And then he takes you into his powerful arms and you both dive into a pond of forbidden pleasures - Blackitty could go on like this for quite a while and the Azafrog would be glad to listen, but it was really cold and she was, so to speak, wide open and might have caught a flu.
- What about the needle? - she asked.
- What about we buy one in this shop - said Blackitty and Da F0rg noticed she was first in line now.
- Buy? Like hell! - she growled. - Gimme a needle, a spool of thread and five frozen pizzas - she barked at the salesman. - And ten Ramen cups! - She thought about adding 'por favor' as this might reflect her wonderful choice of literature, but decided against it. No need to spoil her image.
- We don't have it - whined the clerk.
- I can see the pizza right here, me man!
- No needles, ma'am... it's a food booth...
- Gimme the food then, and make it snappy!
A moment later the cat and the frog wandered away from the booth, holding several days' worth of food. They proceeded slowly, because the Frog had to hold her ripped gut together.
- Lookin' good, dolly - Blackitty leered.
- Oh bugger off, tom! - It wasn't wise to joke with her during this time of day. - If you don't get me a needle this instant, I'll shoot your bloody tail off!
- You don't have anything to shoot my tail off with, - Blackitty was mistaken, as the Forg won a championship in quick draw. Currently she was waving around a blaster able to desintegrate any given sapient creature, and a lot of others had it come to it.
- Faced with such an argument, everyone would give up. I'll go get you a needle then, shall I? - said Blackitty.
- And leave your shopping here, I need a hostage! - said the frog.
Five minutes later Blackitty was back.
- Got it? - said the Azafrog in a shower of crumbles, as she was munching on a frozen pizza (dragged from one of Blackitty's bags).
- Werl, they didn't have needles, so I got you this... - said the kitty pulling out a roll of duct tape and grinning innocently.
- Ooh, a green one, how nice! - The Azafrog's spirits rose. - Still, it might have been a touch darker.
- Quit bitching, that's all they had - lied the tomcat who didn't want to admit he wanted to get her a red one. It's a hard life being a daltonist.
A while later a well taped Frog was walking in the direction of her lair.
- See ya around, kitty - she said. - And just in case, don't forget to remind me I promised to kill you at the end.
Yeah, sure - thought the kitty, watching Heartless. - But I bet she loves Rambo! And dreams of him every day and wishes she was his, and, and, and all the other stuff...




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